I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
