Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
