Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
