return my video game
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
