Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
