I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
