I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
