i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
