Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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