you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
