so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
