Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
