I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
