he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
