Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
