Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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