Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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