fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
