She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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