dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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