im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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