I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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