I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
