Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
