my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
