Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
