No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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