Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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