I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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