I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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