I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
