hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
