I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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