You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
