so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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