Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
