he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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