Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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