watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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