Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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