When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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