Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
