you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
