Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
