Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
