Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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