i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
