listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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