btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
