So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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